The Emotional Side

So, how are you doing?

Let's face it, this is a real blow. It hit me like a lead Zeppelin fallen from the clear-blue sky and onto my head. It happened so fast there was no preparation. My little boy was healthy one moment and chronically ill the next. 


I looked at him and sadness filled my heart. It was my fault. I had done this. I had given it to him. How could I live with myself knowing I had passed this disease on to my son?


The blame game. What mom hasn't done it? Everything bad and evil in the world that befalls our child is put on us, not by us alone but also by society. 


Why didn't you catch this sooner? Why didn't you test him earlier? Why did you let him eat maple syrup? (See 'The Beginning')


As I let my thoughts pour from the wellsprings of my heart during a visit with my chiropractor, he reminded me that diabetes isn't contagious. He also told me not to do this to myself, that I hadn't given my son diabetes. He also expressed his sorrow at the news and told me things would be fine.

He was right. Things would be fine. 


In that moment I realized that what was done was done. The important thing to do now was be a rock for my child and teach him the appropriate way of managing his condition. 


I had my moment of weakness. I allowed myself five minutes to cry while Sawyer wasn't in my presence. Sawyer needed me to be strong for him.  Allowing him to see me cry would only create in him a sense of guilt. Children often carry the burden of their parents sadness, whatever the cause. I didn't want Sawyer to feel he was the source of any sadness in my life. Although his lifestyle would be under construction the prognosis was good. 


A smile, a hug, and praise for his good attitude goes a long way. He is facing this like a champion and I am proud of him.  

As we face this together, I hope I can make him proud of me too.