|(Photo courtesy of energydotsblog.com)|
It had to happen eventually.
I messed up.
The doctor and nurses told me it wouldn't always be perfect.
And they were right.
This morning I was preparing Sawyer's breakfast. I went to write his carbs into the log book and there it was...a big blank space where I should have logged his lantus insulin from the previous evening.
Did his dad give him his medicine?
No, he was out at the time we usually administer his shot.
Did I give it to him?
I had no memory of it.
I asked Sawyer if we had given him his lantus the night before. He thought about it a few seconds and said, "No."
How could I do that?
I felt like a horrible mom.
What it actually proved was that I am not perfect. No matter how hard I try to give Sawyer the best care, there are times I will mess up.
I asked myself how I could let this happen.
Could it be because I have so many meds to administer in a day between Sawyer and me, that I just got confused? Overwhelmed?
Could it be the hectic schedule I've kept lately?
Maybe school work and end of the term stress?
Or maybe it's the lack of respite from caring for Sawyer and his needs.
Ah, I have it. It's the vacation I haven't had in almost ten years.
Whatever the cause, after speaking with Sawyer's pediatric nurse, she said "It just won't ever be perfect. It happens. He's fine. Don't beat yourself up over it."
*Breathing a sigh of relief*
I see Sawyer as someone who needs me to be his superhero; perfect, flawless, and never let him down.
And yet, I did.
By the way, Sawyer's numbers were fine. The nurse told me that because his blood sugar has been under control for some time now, it wouldn't have an impact on him. If it had been at the onset, then it would have been different.
|(Photo courtesy of anothercookieplease.com)|
Try as we might, perfection isn't the definition of a mother.
And maybe exhaustion at times.