Friday, August 12, 2011

Confessions From an Imperfect Mom

(Photo courtesy of
It had to happen eventually.
I messed up.
The doctor and nurses told me it wouldn't always be perfect.
And they were right.

This morning I was preparing Sawyer's breakfast. I went to write his carbs into the log book and there it was...a big blank space where I should have logged his lantus insulin from the previous evening.
Did his dad give him his medicine?
No, he was out at the time we usually administer his shot.
Did I give it to him?
I had no memory of it. 
I asked Sawyer if we had given him his lantus the night before. He thought about it a few seconds and said, "No."
How could I do that? 
I felt like a horrible mom.
 What it actually proved was that I am not perfect. No matter how hard I try to give Sawyer the best care, there are times I will mess up.
I asked myself how I could let this happen. 
Could it be because I have so many meds to administer in a day between Sawyer and me, that I just got confused? Overwhelmed?
Could it be the hectic schedule I've kept lately?
Maybe school work and end of the term stress?
Or maybe it's the lack of respite from caring for Sawyer and his needs. 
Ah, I have it. It's the vacation I haven't had in almost ten years. 
Whatever the cause, after speaking with Sawyer's pediatric nurse, she said "It just won't ever be perfect. It happens. He's fine. Don't beat yourself up over it." 

*Breathing a sigh of relief*

I see Sawyer as someone who needs me to be his superhero; perfect, flawless, and never let him down.
And yet, I did. 

By the way, Sawyer's numbers were fine. The nurse told me that because his blood sugar has been under control for some time now, it wouldn't have an impact on him. If it had been at the onset, then it would have been different. 

(Photo courtesy of
Try as we might, perfection isn't the definition of a mother.

Love is. 

And maybe exhaustion at times. 


  1. awww don't beat yourself up over it. these things happen.

  2. I felt terrible. I rubbed my head and wondered "Did I give it to him and just forget to write it in?" or "Did it totally slip my mind?" He's fine. No ketones. And we are back on track. Still, I feel like I let him down.

  3. I had several of those moments when my son was first diagnosed with a-typical celiac disease and allergic gastritis to all dairy and eggs. When he eats even the smallest particle of any of those, he bleeds intestinally. In the beginning it was hard to remember to read all those labels and study all the alternative forms those ingredients came in. Two years later, we've got it down--but still, every once in a great while, I goof. Try not to be too hard on yourself and realize it's a learning process. You're being super diligent, very protective of your child. You're doing just fine.

  4. Thank you, April, for the encouraging words. Reading all the food labels is sometimes tricky. You have a task watching for dairy and eggs. It seems they are in a large percentage of our foods. Blessings to you and your son.

  5. you are a WHOLE LOT closer to perfect that most folks I know. You are so diligent about your son care, balancing that along with school, home, being a wife, mother to your other children. Step back and take an objective look. Perfect.

  6. Aw, Bill. You are truly a southern gentleman. :D Thanks for the vote of confidence. I guess I get so caught up in the routine, it frustrates me when I get out of step.

  7. I love the ending especially :) No one is perfect. Sharing. Blessings, BJ


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